Family,

Dx: Infertility

When I started WhatEmilyDoes, my idea was to just write about what I do in my free time.  That has turned in to a blog that’s 99% about our home, because, well…that’s pretty much how I spend my time.  Home decorating is my favorite hobby after all. And while I still put a lot of energy towards it, if I’m going to be honest and transparent here I have to admit that it’s not where all of my energy has been focused lately.

I’m not completely sure why I’m putting this out there and I am crazy nervous in doing so, but I think that by sharing this huge part of what’s a focus in my life right now I can be free to write about whatever I want to, not JUST my current home project. I would also hope that someone who reads this might benefit in some way.

Here we go.

INFERTILITY.  That’s the word that has taken over my world for the past year.

The short story is that Alex and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year.  We knew something was wrong a couple months after I got off birth control and that’s when I first went to the doctor. Months went by, many tests were done, and the conclusion was “unexplained inferitlity”.  Awesome. Nothing better than being told that something is wrong, but unfortunately we just don’t know what.

My OB/GYN put me on some fertility medications called Clomid.  I did three cycles of this drug and still there was no pregnancy.  Each month that went by led to increased fear inside of me.  As best I tried to not get my hopes up of seeing a + on the test, it was impossible to not have a glimpse of hope.  After the 3rd round of Clomid and a negative pregnancy test we were referred out from my OB/GYN to a fertility specialist at Reproductive Biology Associates in Atlanta (RBA).

Our very first appointment was this past Wednesday and it couldn’t have gone any better. Here’s a little of what I wrote to my closest family and friends about the visit:

On the drive to Atlanta this morning I began to feel anxious again. I began to feel nervous.  I didn’t want the radio on and I didn’t even want to talk.  Once Alex parked the car I felt the sting of tears.  That all too familiar fear and anxiety crept up…I was just nervous about what the appointment could possibly hold.

We went back to meet Dr. Brahma and she couldn’t have been any sweeter!  She was so nice and extremely easy to talk to.  She never talked above me (although Alex said he nodded a lot because we talked “medical language”–oops) and proved herself to be extremely intelligent.  And good news (to me!)–I didn’t cry at all! 

I will be doing a lot of blood work over the next six weeks as well as a glucose tolerance test (GTT).  The GTT will show if I have any insulin resistance, and if so it will be beneficial for me to be put on Metformin, which is usually used for those with diabetes, in combination with Clomid.  My thyroid looked a little off to her as well, so that will be part of the blood testing as well.

After that they will do a test that shoots a dye in me that will show if my fallopian tubes are patent and it can also show the anatomy of my whole reproductive system and highlight any anatomical features that might be off.  Dr. Brahma is expecting this test to come out completely normal, but it’s a necessary step to cover all the bases.

Most of the decisions for what will actually happen next are determined by what the tests show.

So that’s where we are now.  The next couple of months will hold a bunch of testing and we’ll go from there.

I just have to say that God has been so, so sweet to me through this.  Even during the times when I was simply mad at Him, He could handle it and just loved me anyways.  I really think that at some point in 2013 I’ll be able to write a blog post announcing a pregnancy.  Until then I’ll occasionally write updates as they come and I feel like it.  At least by writing about it I can’t embarrass myself by breaking in to uncontrollable sobs in front of a group of a few friends and a few more strangers–yeah, that happened.  It was horrifying.  Oh well.

028 comments

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Home renovation lover and dreamer. Renovating my home one day at a time and starting to renovate other people's homes too.

28 Comments

Melissa

I just loved this post. Thank you for your honesty. My husband and I are five months into trying with no luck either. It is hard to live in a roller coaster of ups and downs (thinking maybe I am pregnant and then finding out you are not). I just keep telling myself that what is meant to be will be.

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Jason Glaze

Love it Em!

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Kates

I just started reading your blog this month and I love your honesty. I have had friends go through this very same thing and just know that you are not along. Hugs

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Emily

You were not the first or only person to break into sobs in front of that group … so don’t be horrified! 🙂
Can’t wait to meet the children that God brings into your life! They will be oh-so-loved!

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Emily

LOL—no, I’m still horrified 😉 I was a hot mess!

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Lisa

So proud of your courage to write this post. Your journey will help so many others. Still praying for you and will not stop till I can see a cute little Morrison baby. Love you girl! I have always known that you are special.

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Jeri Jones

I have enjoyed reading your blog for awhile now. Sure do hope that all of the tests and meds lead to a big announcement in the near future. There is a time for everything……better get your house done before baby Morrison comes! Will be praying for you and thanks for sharing your house updates and now your personal struggle!

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Monica

You are so strong Emily! I’ve also been dealing with “unexplained infertility.” I will be going to RBA in the spring. Thanks for posting about the test!

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Emily

I have nothing but great things to say about RBA so far! I would highly suggest going to one of their monthly information sessions. That was very helpful to us & they even give you free blood work that day!

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Kim

When I read about the blood tests, the glucose, the thyroid, the dye injections it sounds just like the year my sister in law had last year. She is currently 35 weeks pregnant with their miracle baby that the MDs said would never happen. i hope you get some answers soon.

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Vicki Morrison

I hope your dreams come true! Praying for you and Alex! Love you both!

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Barb

Emily, Good luck!! I want you to know that sometimes, pregnancy CAN happen, despite the doctors telling you and your husband you are infertile. My husband and I got married in Sept, 1997 and immediately started trying to get pregnant because I was 35 and he was 34. It didn’t happen after 6 months so hubby had a semen analysis without it showing anything wrong. So the fertility doc decided I needed to have the fallopian dye test (I was sick on the couch for 2 days after that and needed percocet) and 2 months of blood tests. After a much more specific semen analysis, the doctor knew it was my hubby and not me. Doc decided that we needed to start with an intra-utarine insermination, so we did and it did which did not work.

Since I had 2 daughters from my first marriage, we decided that we did not want to live our lives in the doctors office and that it would be okay if we did not have kids together and just enjoy the fact that we would be in our mid-40’s and be sending the last one to college!! So by now it’s May 1998 and we no longer are trying to get pregnant, no longer going to the fertilty doctor and because “we cannot get pregnant without medical intervention” as the doctor told us, we no longer used birth control.

Now fast forward to July 2000. I am sick to my stomach and cannot figure out why! I figure I would take an old expired pregnancy test I had in the bathroom closet. In less than 2 minutes, my world turned upside down!! After a difficult pregnancy and CVS and 2 aminos, I delivered that baby boy 3 weeks early, in Feb 2001, a week after being put in the hospital and 4 weeks after being put on bedrest!

I now will be 58 when the last one leaves for college and I could not love that little boy more!! He has brightened our lives more than any light could!!

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Emily

I love stories like that! 🙂

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Kim

I came to find your blog from a post on YHL, while recovering from my IVF transfer. I decided to bookmark your page, which I rarely do. On my transfer day, I read through the majority of your blog to catch up on your house life. This post made me want to offer you a virtual hug. This has been my silent pain for three years. That’s right I have not told anyone in my family other than my best friend and my husband cousin who herself has been through fertility issues of her own. I commend you for taking this brave step and sharing your journey with others. This is not something many people are open about. I will pray for strength for you and your husband as you undergo the next few month of tests. Tears are a normal part of this process and someday soon they will be tears of joy. I am still waiting for my tears of joy, but until then I will look for some sunshine by reading your blog. Keep the faith.

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Emily

It is amazing how many people deal with infertility. It is much more common than I ever realized. I cannot fathom how you hold it together! Prayers for you and your IVF transfer. If my timing is right, you’re in the dreaded two week wait. *Fingers crossed & prayers sent!*

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Kylie

I have found you via YHL also and have been reading you blog for a few weeks. I am really enjoying it.
I just want to say in response to this post, good on you for putting it out there. Very brave of you! I wish you the best.

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Bill Morrison

You are absolutely the most awesome daughter in law a father in law could ever ask for or have. I am so so proud of both you and Alex. I will continue to pray for you and God’s will in your lives as I have done for the past 3-4 years. Love both of you so much.

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Laura (Portland, Oregon)

While searching the web for navy stair runners, I came upon yours (which looks awesome by the way). In looking at your blog, the word ‘infertility’ caught my eye since I went through this myself. I’ll spare you all the details but I finally gave birth to a baby boy at age 41! In total: 5 years of treatment, tons of drugs, self-inflicted shots in my butt with medicine, cut off from insurance, etc., etc., I never gave up b/c I knew it would eventually happen and it did! My baby boy is now almost 14 ….

Hang in there. Hoping for the best.

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Kristi

Hey Emily – I am a relatively new reader (over from YHL) and as soon as I saw the word infertility I knew I would become a new full-time reader. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about 8 months now. Just this past December I was diagnosed with an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy, which was a long journey in itself involving 2 rounds of shots of methotrexate and then finally ended in surgery having my left fallopian tube removed. It was (is) such an arduous battle, one fraught with fear, worry, anxiety, hope, love, desire, and dreams!

I have googled around the internet searching these topics for a few months now. Just know that you are not alone. There are a TONS of positive stories out there!! I know that I cling to these! There are loads of women out there who go through battles of conception and fertility who you can connect with and learn from. I am wishing you the very best!

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Emily

Kristi–I am so sorry about your tubal! I know that must have been terrible and very scary! I too definitely seek out the success stories and have no doubt that our time will come soon! 🙂 wishing you the best too!

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Lisa

Oh Emily, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with infertility. You too shall have your babies just have faith and never give up!! My IUI baby is now 12 and his “holy cow, I can’t get pregnant that way” sister is 11.

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Stacy

It’s a tough road. You’re amazing for putting it out there. I am a former ACRM patient. Waited almost 2 years before seeking help. You get used to the blood draws. I hope you get your baby/babies. Have a beautiful 27 month old daughter and 3 month old twin girls both from IUI/Clomid. Prayers for you and your husband.

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Stella

Hi! I’ve been following another blog that has interesting stuff about infertility and lately she has even been talking about thyroid issues, so thought you might be interested, but I am sure you get lots of people trying to tell you stuff. =) She does have really great stuff though. http://www.naturallyknockedup.com/ Hoping the best for you!

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Emily

I love that blog…been reading it for a while:-)

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anotherbigbite

I found you through YHL, too, and my heart just aches for you about this. My husband and I took a very long time to get pregnant as well. We mostly kept it to ourselves, since I didn’t want to have to talk about it with everyone AND deal with my constant helplessness. You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to get your story out there (as I now wish I would have). I know it sounds pompass and cliche, but everyone told me the same thing (and I wanted to scream at them as you might feel as well), but often it is when you stop trying so hard that things just sorta work out. This was our experience – right when we threw in the towel, boom – pregnant. Don’t loose hope, though! What will be, will be. Thoughts and prayers to you both.

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Emily

Thanks, Lisa:) I’ve definitely had times where people say “just stop trying” or “go on vacation and it’ll happen”….and then I secretly wanted to slap them across the face. BUT, I do think there’s something to be said about the stress levels “trying” causes. I enjoyed my 2 month “break” from officially trying and I can tell a difference in how my body feels without that stress. -em

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Greta

We lost our first baby early into pregnancy. I really struggled around my pregnant friends and avoided baby showers like the plaque. I, too, tested my relationship with God. Eventually we were able to carry a baby to term. I look back on that time as a test of my character. It made me a more empathetic person and a more appreciative mother. Sharing my experience with others that are struggling seems to help me realize that we are all in this together. Best wishes!

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Anna Janusz

My husband and I were in the same place you are in 3 years ago. I was on clomid and then femara. 8 rounds later I was pregnant with twins who are 17 months old now. Life is so hard – but so amazing. I know exactly how you are feeling. I also shared my story on my blog because it helped me to verbalize what I was feeling. Would be glad to listen or offer advice if you ever need an ear. The dye test was a little painful – but it’s quick!!!
I’m annajanusz8 on twitter.

Anna

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